Feb 10
19
Love – What’s it all about?
As you go about your day you’ll hear the word love used in a number of different situations and settings. The word is used so freely and so often it is easy to lose the full meaning behind it and the intent it carries. I love you! When somebody says; “I love you” to you, what does it mean? How does it make you feel? Or alternatively, when you hear other people use the word, how does it make you feel? How often do you hear the Hollywood version?
What does ‘love’ really mean? Lets look at the dictionary definition (courtesy of dictionary.com):
noun
- a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
- a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
- sexual passion or desire.
- a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
- (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
- a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
- sexual intercourse; copulation.
- (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
- affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one’s neighbor.
- strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
- the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
- the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
- Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
- a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
verb
- to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
- to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
- to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
- to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
- to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
- to have sexual intercourse with.
- to have love or affection for another person; be in love.
That’s quite a list really, so it comes as no surprise that the word is so popular in our everyday language. When using the word love, one thing to consider is the impact it has on the situation. To simply state that you love a film isn’t going to have the same effect as claiming you love another person. In the first instance the film doesn’t have any emotions to consider, whereas when you begin to pull a persons emotional strings with the language you use, the outcome will be considerably different. So the use of the word depends on the effect it is likely to have, with that in mind it use it with care.
This post isn’t about using it in a casual sense or as a tennis score; it’s about using it in your relationships, where it carries a great deal of power.
Let’s look at situations where you might hear the word used:
- Couples in an relationship
- Family members
- Courting couples
- Films
- Casual use; I just love . . . (fill in the blank with your material need)
- A tennis score
- add your own
So how do you love another person; it’s not something we are formally taught to do. If anything, the sex element is hidden away and the only public showing of it is what we observe in the relationships around us. If it’s so popular you’d think there would be some sort of training in it, can you imagine it on the school curriculum, your next lesson is “how to love another person”
Love starts at home, both in the homestead and within the individual; with an understanding and acceptance of yourself. Making sure you truly love yourself; when you know how to love yourself and feel the effects of a loving relationship, you’ll be able to love others. There are numerous references in the Bible too; “thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself”. If you can’t love yourself how can you love another person?
(Un)conditional love
A song called “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” was composed and written by Jim Steinman and recorded by Meat Loaf in 1993. What was it he wouldn’t do for love?
How complicate does love become when we put conditions on it?
- When they do . . . , then I’ll be able to love them.
- When they show me love, I’ll love them back.
How powerful are those statements? How much control are we looking for when we use these or similar statements? Surely it doesn’t matter whether somebody loves you or not; if you’re a loving person you can love them anyway. What is the reason for loving somebody?
Another situation where conditional love is of concern is where you might hear somebody say; “I’ve fallen out of love with . . .!!” I thought love was a way of life not an action or something to do; perhaps I’m missing something here.
Are these conditions we implement merely a control mechanism because we fear something? Maybe a fear of being on our own or of losing something, who knows?
If you’re unsure how to express unconditional love, you can learn a thing or two from our animal friends or children. They are the experts at showing unconditional love. I don’t own any pets but I do know of people who do and it’s quite shocking how they treat them sometimes. In particular, a man’s best friend (his dog) is many times mistreated and still they come back and demonstrate an unconditional love to their owner. It’s similar with children; they still love you to bits regardless of your emotional outbursts.
Unconditional love isn’t only seen coming from our animal friends and children, I have seen it with many couples; where no matter what happens they forgive each other, through their understanding and loving nature they continue with their relationship. How would you deal with the situation, if you found out your partner had strayed? How would you respond if you discovered your partner suddenly need constant 24/7 care and attention?
An understanding of love, or at least unconditional love will enable you to review your relationship and your development, giving your personal growth a lift.
Thank you for reading this post, please let me know what you think and share your experiences. While you’re here please take the time to sign up for the newsletter or alternatively you may prefer to subscribe for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.
photo credit: Kelly Schott
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View Comments "Love – What’s it all about?"
I think the world live just thrown around too easily at times Paul in a relationships. Telling someone you love them should be something that’s meant. Not a throw away comment.
A really nice post. Thanks
You said:
“A song called “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” was composed and written by Jim Steinman and recorded by Meat Loaf in 1993. What was it he wouldn’t do for love?”
It's very simple… it is in the lyrics. It's whatever he says right before I'd do anything for love but I won't do that… such as “I'll never forget the way you feel right now” and “I'll never do it better than I do it with you” and “I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way tonight” and “I'll never be screwing around” it's right there if you listen.
Hi Paul, I've often had a discussion about unconditional love with colleagues, friends and family. I think it's extremely difficult to love someone unconditionally, your children yes, but another adult, I'm not so sure. I think there are always conditions placed on relationships and always a limit to what one can take. One conversation in particular was from an abused woman and she said 'How many times does he have to beat me up for me to stop loving him?' strong statement.
However, most relationships are not like this, but I still find it difficult to say I unconditionally love my wife. If she had an affair, the marriage would be over and I would learn not to love her anymore. I love her with all my heart at this very moment and that's all that matters just now and I am extremely happy that she loves me with all her heart at this very moment and I am truly blessed as it is 'this very moment' that I live for.
Thanks for your comment.
Yes you're right the answer to my question was in the lyrics and what a great song it is.
Regards
Paul
Steven,
Thanks for dropping in to leave your very honest comment.
Yes it can be very difficult to forgive at a time when trust has been betrayed. A betrayal from the one you love is probably one of the more difficult to overlook. What is it that creates the difficulties within relationships; it is a team effort that makes it a success or failure. It is something to consider, when a breakdown occurs that any fault doesn't just lay at the feet of the betrayer? Just a thought!
Thank you again for sharing.
Regards
Paul
I enjoyed reading this article, Paul and learned some new things. You're right – it is how shocking how some people treat their pets who's only role in life is to provide companionship and unconditional love.
This is a great reminder to think about the various kinds of love that we have in our lives and cherish those that we love (and love us).
Karen, thank you for taking the time to leave your comment.
Yes, the media stories you hear about how the animals in our world are treated, is nothing short of shocking.
Love is such an important feature of our lives, it becomes difficult to understand why it appears to be disrespected so much.
Regards
Paul
Ben, thanks for your contribution to the discussion. Yes, the word love does tend to be used rather flippantly at times and without any consideration to the consequences.
Regards
Paul
Nice post on love Paul. Are you a love expert?
Just kidding. I agree though love is often times overused. We say, “I love you” all the time when we're in a relationship, but how often do we use our hearts when we really say those words? Sometimes, they are just as fleeting as the words, “Hi, how are you?”
I like your examples on dogs and children. They can show unconditional love enough though they treated badly by the owner. This is something that we can learn from them and apply it to our own relationships with other pets or other people.
I think that conditional love, or love that is controllable by me, is based off a fear of vulnerability and intimacy. I call it “down payment” love. It's a love that waits until it knows the other person won't abuse it, to step in also.
It says, “Okay, now that you've loved me, I know I can love you.”
But I believe that true love is sowing into someone's life expecting nothing in return.
Great post, bro. Love it.
Eleanor,
Thanks for your contribution to the conversation.
I was indecided about when to publish the post before eventually deciding to wait until after Valentine's Day.
I was unaware of the Ancient Greeks use of more than one word, thanks for the info, I'll have to have a read into that. It sounds like interesting reading.
As for them having less problems; yes it would be interesting to know!
Regards
Paul
Hulbert,
Thank you for your comment.
Me, a love expert, now there's a new idea!
I agree the word is used so freely; generally with the correct meaning, however lacking the integrity it deserves.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Regards
Paul
Travis,
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
I love your comment about; “. . . sowing into someone's life expecting nothing in return.”
Regards
Paul
Because of its many definitions, I find that love is such an ambiguous word to use. Sometimes I wish I could tell my friends that I love them without implying anything else.
Thanks for your thought-provoking post, Paul.
Phil,
Thank you for your very honest comment. I think I know what you mean about telling your friends, without the inference to other things. I guess it's something to do with our culture.
Regards
Paul
Thanks, Paul!! Well, then consider it a contribution. I loved this post.
Thanks for sharing Paul. Too often the word love is like sorry, in that it becomes over used and meaningless.
Unless it's said with meaning, it's worthless.
Matthew,
Thanks for stopping by to add your comment to the conversation, it's great to see you here.
It's so true what you say, like many other words in our language, their importance, value and true meaning is lost in their overuse or wrong use.
Regards
Paul
Hi Paul.
We sure can learn a thing or two from animals or children about love that is just given, because they represent the thinking we had toward it before we became jaded or 'figured out' that providing love with requirements was the way to go. Children give others the benefit of the doubt in this respect, while adults are not as accommodating to others.
It's hard to talk too much about love, because it is the item that powers us to do cool things. It's worth assessing whether there is enough love around in one's life before checking how productive they are, because it is more of a prerequisite.
Armen,
Thank you for your comment.
It's an interesting idea about linking the love in your life to your productivity; I think it's certainly a criteria to be considered. Sorting your love life out to increase your work output; an interesting concept, a believable one at that.
Regards
Paul
Having read this right after reading your post about coach development, it strikes me that love is what we as coaches extend to our clients when we're working well with them. Giving another person the experience that they are loved in all their uniqueness is enormously empowering!
Of course, our own well needs to be full in order to keep giving love. As well as good relationships in our own lives, good coaching supervision (or whatever we call it!) has a role to play in that too.
Christine,
The more I read about this love, the more I realise how powerful it is and how it affects all aspects of my life. As you say extending that unconditional love to our coaching relationships can only empower our clients. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
You may enjoy the following post to: http://www.diary4life.com/building-strong-coach...
Regards
Paul